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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23864809">him.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaccharineCoffee/pseuds/SaccharineCoffee'>SaccharineCoffee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Post-Kira, Smut, alternate universe - mello is alive, lapslock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:54:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23864809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaccharineCoffee/pseuds/SaccharineCoffee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>near explores and reflects on his feelings for mello.</p>
<p>[re-uploaded + edited]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>him.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>re-uploading this with some considerable editing. i took down all my fics last year (this one included) because i’m a coward.<br/>throughout the fic near is referred to as nate. i thought it would make it feel more intimate :)<br/>hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>mello offered nate a cake that day. nate wasn’t exactly fond of sweet things, but the gesture meant the world to him. they had solved their tenth case together as L, and mello firmly stated how he desired, no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>demanded</span>
  </em>
  <span> to celebrate their success together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate found it very almost endearing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>for the longest time, mello never worked to gain nate's attention in a productive, or friendly way. the progressive change in his behaviour since the kira case, however… it made nate feel warm inside. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it was as if all his childhood hopes had blossomed into a beautiful mirage right in front of his eyes and he could barely believe it to be real.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>mello had approached nate after the case was over and done with, with the warmest smile he had ever seen on the blond’s face. he felt his heart and his entire body freeze and frame on his lips and— dear god how his eyes wrinkled at the corners. he never thought he would live to see the day his childhood companion would genuinely smile at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>later that day mello brought in a pretty cake decorated with strawberries and white chocolate frosting, claiming L used to enjoy sweets of that kind the most. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate smiled to himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate took in a shaky breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate dared to look mello in the eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>and nate thanked him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he now sat on his bed, replaying the entire day over and over again in his mind, going over the details of mello’s features, mello’s scars and the way mello’s elegant body moved effortlessly, despite the leather he wore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate smiled fondly, thinking of the way the blond’s demeanour had relaxed considerably around him, how velvety his voice was when calm, how he was so much more approachable and—</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>his stomach flipped inside his belly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>they were finally getting along.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>they were finally on the same page.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate sighed contently, feeling the soft cotton fibres of his bath towel against his naked skin. the comforting texture allowed his body to relax — he was never really good with handling his own emotions. did mello still think he was the same cold bastard he always considered nate to be? how could he possibly show mello </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span> he felt and </span>
  <em>
    <span>when</span>
  </em>
  <span> he felt the emotions he felt?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>mello was always very stubborn… but then again, so was nate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>despite this, mello… he had been very kind, delicate in the way he worked around nate. the way he smiled warmly at him while they ate cake, how he’d make humorous comments during investigations, or how he’d throw him a thumbs up after an important deduction on nate’s part…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>what would happen, he wondered, if mello perhaps inched closer to nate while wearing that charming smile he wore just for him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>an embrace? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>perhaps a kiss…?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>maybe his hands could explore his body </span>
  <em>
    <span>as it was right now</span>
  </em>
  <span> on his bed— bare for him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>all for him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate wanted to explore what he couldn’t possibly fathom ever happening.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he wanted to experience what couldn’t be experienced, and he was determined to feel a glimpse of what could be in an alternate universe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate touched his lips with child-like curiosity, but the idea of how mello could kiss him was everything but.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate ran his own hands down his neck slowly. they dragged down his torso, and explored his inner thighs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>his eyelids fluttered closed and his skin prickled with desire for more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he imagined mello smiling devilishly at him as he trailed feather-light patterns over his groin and he felt a shiver run down his spine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he’s so happy mello doesn’t hate him anymore. he’s so happy mello doesn’t point his glock at the back of his head anymore. he’s so glad mello doesn't glare at him in anger. he’s so glad he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepted, treated as the friend he always was</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>his fingers ran up his shaft less delicately as his desperation grew, and he pictured mello being his cocky self, with that hint of unpredictability nate always found alluring. with a cocky grin in mind, he ran his palm over the wet tip of his dick, and his body felt like butter at the thought of mello doing it himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>he’s right behind me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, nate thought, imagining the feeling of teeth and tongue over the sensitive flesh of his neck. he flushed and mewled as he started to fist himself, keeping the pace slow and steady. he wanted to drag it out, make the experience as close to reality, as he possibly could — he wanted mello to touch him so badly, and he felt as if there was no other way other than resorting to fantasy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>mello’s hands ran down his sides and grabbed his hips, pretty half-moon marks from his black lacquered nails carving into nate's pale skin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>what a pretty thing, you are</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he imagined mello whisper huskily into his ear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the pace of his hand sped up, accompanied by a desperate little moan he imagined mello would probably taunt him for.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the blonde's hands were suddenly </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span> and nate moaned his name unconsciously. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>with his spare hand he touched his neck and chest, and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost</span>
  </em>
  <span> real. his thighs trembled and his cock ached wonderfully, “mello” being whispered weakly, almost desperately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he was so far gone for mello and he hadn't even realised it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he wondered what the blonde’s slender fingers would feel like inside him, but he was still too afraid of venturing so far. nate opted instead in dragging his nails down his chest and he shivered pleasantly, breath stuttering. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate conjured in his mind a picture of mello’s tongue trailing his rim. the boy bit his lip. what could it possibly feel like in real life? he led his delicate fingers lower, and lower, and rubbed his own entrance curiously </span>
  <em>
    <span>and sighed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. mello's tongue would feel amazing on the sensitive flesh, of that he had no doubt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to feel it, to feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> all over his body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate felt so sensitive and </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he just wanted more and more and more—</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>he fastened the pace of the hand on his cock even further and brought his other one back up to drag his nails over his thighs. the stimulation was driving him crazy and it was never, </span><em><span>never</span></em> <em><span>enough</span></em><span>. he dug his nails deeper into the flesh and it </span><em><span>hurt</span></em> <em><span>so</span></em> <em><span>wonderfully,</span></em><span> it was like </span><em><span>he’s almost right here.</span></em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>electricity ran through his flushed body as he found release - intensely so - and mello’s devilish smile turned warm once again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>nate, too, felt incredibly warm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>with post-orgasmic bliss still prickling is legs, nate felt the corners of his lips form a smile on their own accord. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he sighed contently and used whatever energy he still had left in him to walk to the bathroom and clean the come off his stomach. once done, he put on a fresh set of pyjamas and got in bed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>would mello ever reciprocate his feelings?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>would mello ever keep him company on the other side of his bed?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he didn’t know. he had no way of knowing. but of one thing he was certain— at the end of the day, mello was at the very least his friend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>and for now, that was more than he could ever wish for. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you enjoyed this little thing, don't forget to kudos and comment! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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